Pain

Sadness lasts longer than happiness. That's the truth. I have just disappoint the one that I love the most.They just don't understand me. I'm sorry. It's really hard to live a life as a person who wants to do things their way when when they were a child they used to do what other people told them to do. People just expect me to do what they told me to. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. Plus, people just don't care about me as much as they care about my other siblings. They thought I could handle everything alone when the truth is, I'm MUCH weaker than them.As a human being, I also need supports from the one I loves the most. Right now, I'm just scared that when I don't get 8 As they're gonna say "If you worked harder, you would've get it" with the disappointed look on their face. What they don't know is, I've worked hard for them. FOR THEM.But, I know, it would be never enough. Doesn't matter if I'm better than my other siblings. I will always be a disappointment.

Segara March Squad 2013 *WE WON*

Let's start from when we were practicing :)

The day of the competition :D

And finally, WE WON : B

Hahahah, we look like a happy family ;)

Cancer

Losing someone is so hard. But losing someone to any sickness is so much harder , I guess. Idk, maybe because you have to see the person go through the pain before they die. So, um, if you didn't know, I lost my aunt 11 days ago. She had cancer. And her son's wedding day is 2 days ago. It was super sad. I cried at the wedding. I mean, who cries at a wedding? Btw, now, I truly understand the pain that the family of a cancer patients go through. You can't explain the pain. You see them trying to fight it day by day but also see the cancer eating them slowly. You have to hold back your tears whenever you see them because you don;t want to let them down. You want them to keep fighting. But in the end, It's all up to Allah whether he wants to take them from us or he'll let them stay. I'll miss you , Norhayati Binti Yassin

Let me tell you about my oh-so-interesting holiday.

-Wake up

-Tuition

-Eat

-Raping the laptop (eww)

-Eat

-Eye fucking the Tv

-Eat
-Crying over iCarly and Merlin

-Sleep

Yeap, that's pretty much what I did for the last 1 and a half month.  As you can see, I EAT , A LOT. So , when the school starts , people would be like "Omg, you're fat !" Hahah, gtfo. Btw, I don't want to go to school !! Please, give e another month ! PLEASEEEE. Annnd, Other than eat , tuition, raping the laptop, etc, I also did something productive  ! yay -_-

I LEARN TO PLAY THE UKULELE

I'm still learning. So, um, that's how my holiday go. Oh, I also went to Johor. Yep, that's it. I'm still happy though. My cousin's wedding is tomorrow. I hate going to weddings. But, this one is different, it's my cousin's wedding. So, I'm fine. K, I'm rambling. And as you can see, I'm a lazy , like REALLY LAZY person. Haihhh

Merlin

SPOILER ALERT !


It took me a while to start writing this post. It's so hard. So, umm, Merlin ends today. Arthur died. Gwaine died. Morgana died. Mordred died. And Arthur's last words were "Thank You" to Merlin. Omg, the episode killed me. I am currently watching the episode where Merlin dressed as a woman. It's the funniest episode ever but I feel like crying. This is so hard to let go. Omg, tears coming out. Ok. So, um, the ending was a bit weird. I was kinda hoping that Freya would just show up and heal Arthur. She's the Lady Of The lake , after all. Merlin sent Arthur off at the Lake of Avalon, the place where he sent off Freya. Let me cry. But, the last conversation between Merlin and Arthur is LITERALLY the saddest thing ever. The whole episode is fucking my feelings. When the episode finished , which was at 5am ,I literally just turned off the laptop and started crying under my sheets. My pillows were wet from my tears. Adter that, I feel so empty.Om. This is harder to let go than iCarly. Also, the scene where Gwaine died was unexpected. I never ever ever expect Gwaine to die. Percival's face at the end killed me. He lost his best friend. Everybody lose someone. Gaius. I just can't stop myself from imagining Gaius waiting for Merlin to walk into the room , smiling. Merlin never came back. Everything is just so, ugh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIAN DAWSON !!

Happy birthday, you potato. You are a drum beast :)

Your hair is beautiful ;)

Happy 25th Birthday Alexander William Gaskarth !

Happy Birthday ! Thankyou for everything, again :)

He's 25 !  omggg

Dan Howell and Phil Lester spam

BE PREPARE FOR ALL THE CUTENESS/HOTNESS/ADORABLENESS

How can you NOT love them ? They're adorableee

Btw, they're not boyfriends. They're bestfriends. Hahahah 

I've tried my best but people still think that I'm not trying at all. I'm just not good enough for my family, for my friends, for anyone. I'm just a stupid and useless girl. Why can't people except me for who I am? Am I that bad? I'm so tired of dealing with this. Did you know why I'm like  obsessed with bands, TV shows, and YouTubers ? Because I don't want to think about it. It is basically an escape.And the bands and YouTubers also make me feel acceptable. People just love her more than they love me and that hurts. I can never ever measure to her. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of trying to be better. I'm tired of being in the shadow. I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of everything.

Merlin

Guysss, It's the last season of Merlin. When iCarly ended, I thought it's gonna be fine because I still have Merlin. But, NO, YOU JUST HAVE TO FUCKING END THE SERIES. Omg, I'm crying

 

Samantha Puckett

So, the last iCarly episode airs today. I cried. Hard. It was soooo damn hard to let go of something which have become part of your life. So, btw, I just HAVE to talk about Samantha Puckett. Most of you must have said that she's a bully and a heartless person. But , she is actually an inspiration to all girls. She was hurt by her loved ones so many times. She never met her father. Her mother never really cared about her and she has a perfect sister which almost everyone loves more than her. But , she has 2 bestfriends , Carly and Freddie . On season 3 , Carly and Freddie was together for a while and the they broke up. At the end of season 4 , Sam, out of nowhere , kissed Freddie. And after that there was about 4 episodes of them being together. THE BREAK UP - they broke up on a lift and afterwards they exchange I Love You's. And then, a few episodes after that, Freddie started hitting on Carly again. You can see Sam was hurt. It was obvious. But, she never said anything. She never hate Carly nor Freddie. She just keep her feelings to herself . Oh yeah, and don't forget that one time when Carly's former bestfriend , Missy came back. Carly started to abandoned Sam and everything. She was broken. But then, everything is fine again. So urmm, on the last episode , You can tell what a great friend she really is. She let Carly go to Italy to live with his father. She's not selfish, people! She defends her friends when she needs to. She was took care of her friends because that's all she has. Samantha Puckett is my role model for now. She stayed strong after everything she's been through. She rarely complains about her life. And Sam deserves someone better than Freddie Benson. I believe she is still hurt to this day. Sam Puckett is such an inspirational character :')

"You're a great best friend to my little sister...and you've got a good heart." - Spencer Shay

The story

Last night, I was at the hospital for 4 hours. No, it's no me who is sick. It's my father. If you don't know , my father had a heart attack back in 2003 . I was 5 years old and it was one of the darkest time. It still haunts me. And, he's been sick constantly now so, we took him to the hospital last night 'cause he's having a heartache *Thank god my brother can drive* .We were so worried. I was terrified and still am. So, we waited for 4 hours in the emergency room and finally the doctor told us that his blood pressure has lowered down from 200 and he can go home. And now, he's having a headache. You might think , "Oh, just a headache, it's nothing". But I'm scared. So, we will probably go the hospital again today. We'll see.

Cat ! awww, cute right?

Yepp, there's fish swimming on my blog .

Results

Cried when I found out I got 2 Cs . Told my parents a few days later and got scolded. Cried again. AH, FML. I seriously just failed myself. I felt so useless. I don't even know what happened to my Geography. I think I got a C or a D. Ghahhh. Will be going to school tomorrow to check my results. Will update. Think so...

"When it all comes crashing down

 And you feel no one around

 Baby girl, don't hide, hold your head up high

 Cause you know I catch you before you hit the ground

 The words cut deep I know

 And the pain will shortly go

 But your wounds will fade with every step you take

 So please know you're not alone

 And in time you will see

 The best that you can be"       

                                           - Artist vs Poet

Each side is beautiful in their on way.

Nothing

A nobody. Nothing compared to her sister which is a perfect example of "Perfect". Everything she do will always be compared to her sister's. It's like there's nothing more for her to look forward to. Nothing she can do to change their mind. She tried everything. They say "Be yourself". She tried but that doesn't worked. She have tried everything and nothing ever worked. She finally came to the point where everything she did felt useless.

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines

he wrote a poem

and he called it "chops"

because that was the name of his dog

and thats what it was all about

his teacher gave him an A

and a gold star

and his mother hung it on the kitchen door

and read it to his aunts.

that was the year Father Tracy

took all the kids to the zoo

and he let them sing on the bus

and his little sister was born

with tiny nails and no hair

and his mother and father kissed alot

and the girl around the corner sent him a

Valentine signed with a row of X's

and he had to ask his father what the X's meant

and his father always tucked him in bed at night

and was always there to do it

once on a piece of white paper with blue lines

he wrote a poem

he called it "Autumn"

because that was the name of the season

and that's what it was all about

and his teacher gave him an A

and asked him to write more clearly

and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door

because of the new paint

and the kids told him

that Father Tracy smoked cigars

and left butts on the pews

and sometime they would burn holes

that was the year his sister got glasses

with thick lenses and black frames

and the girl around the corner laughed

when he asked her to go see santa claus

and the kids told him why

his mother and father kissed alot

and his father never tucked him in bed at night

and his father got mad

when he cried for him to do it

once on a paper torn from his notebook

he wrote a poem

and he called it "Innocence: A Question"

because that was the question about his girl

and thats what it was all about

and his professor gave him an A

and a strange steady look

and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door

because he never showed her

that was the year Father Tracy died

and he forgot how the end

of the Apostles's Creed went

and he caught his sister

making out on the back porch

and his mother and father never kissed

or even talked

and the girl around the corner

wore too much make up

that made him cough when he kissed her

but he kissed her anyway

because it was the thing to do

and at 3 am he tucked himself into bed

his father snoring soundly

that's why on the back of a brown paper bag

he tried another poem

and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"

because that's what it was really all about

and he gave himself an A

and a slash on each damned wrist

and he hung it on the bathroom door

because this time he didnt think

he could reach the kitchen

-Stephen Chbosky